Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Things That I Hate

We all have situations, people, or inanimate objects that we...well, to be blunt, hate. As much as it catches a bad rap, hatred is a natural part of being a human. In fact, without hatred, it would be impossible to ever feel love. But, I digress as I don't want to turn this into a philosophical forum. Further, some things really should be hated. There are some times in life where I look at something and...I just hate it. I'm sure you feel the same way.

Here is my (current) list of things that I hate:

Cinnamon Jelly Bellys

I don't really eat a lot of candy and I really don't eat a lot of Jelly Bellys at that. But, Easter wasn't all that far away and I got a few bags of Jelly Bellys. Is there anything worse than eating a Cinnamon Jelly Belly? I'm cruising along enjoying the delicious and mouth-watering flavors of Very Cherry, Strawberry Jam, or Raspberry when Cinnamon has to ruin everything. Seriously, Cinnamon is that loser friend that we all have that ruins a great conversation with some dumb interjection. Cinnamon is officially the Buzz Killington of Jelly Bellys.

And I wouldn't be laughing too hard there, Buttered Popcorn. You really aren't that far off from Cinnamon. The only thing saving you is your clearly marked shell of shame. At least you're not pretending to be something you aren' that bastard, Cinnamon.

Public Bathroom Doors

Seriously, what is up with these? They implore you to wash your hands after each use, which everyone clearly should, and have to put your just-washed hands back on the door to open it. Why do the majority of bathroom doors require you to pull them open to leave? Wouldn't it make more sense for bathroom doors to push out so you can leave with your hands still basking in complete cleanliness? I'm not even OCD, but how does this not make sense? I cannot be the first person to think of this. Further, to an extent, it negates anyone in a restaurant washing their hands if they just have to put them back on the handle to open the door. This is even assuming that everyone that goes to a public bathroom does wash their hands. What about the people that don't? So after washing my hands I have to open the door behind someone that didn't? Why don't I just go in and help them use the toilet? This bothers me and makes zero sense.

Pizza Not Being Good For You

I'm not sure about you, but I truly believe that Pizza is the most delicious thing I can eat. Pizza is how I know that God exists. I refuse to not capitalize the word b/c it is that delicious. I could literally eat Pizza once a day. However, you would die if you were to do that. Pizza is generally awful for you. Pizza was invented in America and America put a man on the moon! You're telling me that it is not possible to make a delicious pizza that is actually pretty good for you? Really...we have no way of doing this? If we can't even make a delicious pizza what chance do we have against cancer, aids, alzheimer's, or the epidemic facing our child actors? I am truly at a loss here. I hate that Pizza is not as healthy as it is delicious.

And, for the record, I love pineapple and mushrooms.


There, I said it. I hate birds. I love going to the Zoo, but I can't think of any other type of animal that I would rather not go look at. Birds do nothing for me. I think they're boring to look at, most of them are stupid, they crap everywhere. I dunno, they're not for me. But, I can't say it as funny as this kid does:

I don't think I actualy "hate" birds, but I do think they suck. I also liked finding an excuse to post that video b/c that kid cracks me up. But, speaking of birds...

The Duck Face

I have no idea why girls do this in pictures. You know the one. It's where a girl will try and look seductively at the camera, kind of...I dunno, pucker her lips, and basically try and look as hot as she can, in her head at least. Well...stop doing it. You look retarded or at the very least like you just ate something really sour. It doesn't look as hot as you think it does.

does not equal

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